Someone shit on the floor
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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