Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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