I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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