I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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