i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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