So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize