you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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