I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
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your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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