I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
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Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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