Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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