she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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