Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize