I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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