this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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