So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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