thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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