It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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