I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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