Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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