i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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