So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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