We're like a lot better than the average bears
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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