i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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