Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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