when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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