my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize