i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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