Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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