he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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