So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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