Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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