I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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