Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
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Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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