Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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