i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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