We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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