kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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