How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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