i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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