Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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