I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize