Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize