you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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