New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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