found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
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