I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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