evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
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Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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