Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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