I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
