just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
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She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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